There've been many different titles for this post swimming through my over-taxed, over-wrought, muddled brain. Like 'I'm Going to Lose It' (meaning SRR, although it also applies to the obvious) or 'Time to Ask for Help' or 'The End of an Era' or 'One Step at a Time' or . . . .
It was an incredibly stressful week for me (but, then, what's new?!). I ended up crying into the receiver during yet another telephone meeting with the credit union during one of my lunch hours. While trying to get a grip on my tear-clogged voice, I felt sorry for the lovely woman at the other end of the line. I wouldn't want her job for ANYTHING!
In short, though, it's done. The battle has been lost: I will lose Swamp River Ridge.
There are a few different possibilities regarding HOW it will happen, and I do have some say in it. The credit union does seem like it's trying to honor the good relationship I've had with them over the last 12+ years and not totally shaft me. I've got to "crunch the numbers" yet today and talk to a few more people before making the final "how" decision. I've requested a 2-hour meeting with Mama & Papa Pea tomorrow night to hear their take on the options. As a result, I'm not yet ready to share with you, my dear friends, the whys and wherefores (or, more to the point, "hows and whens"), but I do have this for you:
I thought of something last night when I was home and doing chores . . . something that YOU could do to bolster my spirits, make my new home (what & wherever that may be) full of love and new hope and promise. Part of me hesitates to ask this because I don't want to sound all "wanting" and selfish. But, I know many of you WANT to help me . . . but don't know how (i.e. no one has an extra bazillion dollars buried in their back yard). Although, the wonderful comments you make HERE help soooooo much!!! But, here it is. (And, remember, it's V-O-L-U-N-T-A-R-Y! It has to be a "want to" do and not a "should" do. Unless your heart's really in it, I don't think it will work.)
I would love, love, love to have something of you for my new life. A representation of you. Something tangible that I can look at, in my new digs, and remember, "Wow, I am surrounded by love and support. I am NOT alone. I CAN do this!"
Like what, you ask? Like, an old pair of earrings you no longer wear but think I might enjoy. A mixed CD of music to bolster my spirit. Something handmade that I can look at or use. A bottle of lotion that's "too stinky" for you (I luuuuuv oderiferous lotions!!!). A scented candle you don't care for. A new, candid photo of one of Bopee's / Una's "littles". A scenic print you no longer have hanging on your wall. An irreverent and funny plaque that's gotten you through hard times. A Pay It Forward type thing.
There's one thing, though: you can't spend any new money on it. Since so many of my "troubles" are a direct result of money (lack thereof), and since so many of us are struggling to pay our bills, I don't want YOU to suffer any additional expense. Although, yeah, there would be the mailing costs. (If you choose to participate, please send the item as INexpensively as possible!!)
Here are some examples of those very same items . . . things that have come to me when I didn't know I needed them. And which, I just decided, I'll put into the pile to take with me to my during-my-work-week digs at the little cabin just outside of town. So I'll see YOU there, feel your love and support.
I think (know?) this is my way of asking for help. If it's a physical thing that I can look at and enjoy and which will also provide a constant reminder of, as I said, the love and support that I know is out there, I think it will help me and keep me on the right path . . . moving forward. Not looking at the past, at the what-might-have-beens, that I no longer have (SRR) and the dreams associated with that. Time to look at the NEW and the future!
P.S. There was a misunderstanding/communication about that couple wanting to buy this place. They already own their OWN "sanctuary" of 40 acres and wanted to buy my ELECTRICAL SYSTEM! Sigh.