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"Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful."
- Unknown

"That which does not kill you, makes you stronger."
- Handed down through the ages.

"Life's tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid."
- John Wayne



Looking Ahead

There've been many different titles for this post swimming through my over-taxed, over-wrought, muddled brain.  Like 'I'm Going to Lose It' (meaning SRR, although it also applies to the obvious) or 'Time to Ask for Help' or 'The End of an Era' or 'One Step at a Time' or . . . .


It was an incredibly stressful week for me (but, then, what's new?!).  I ended up crying into the receiver during yet another telephone meeting with the credit union during one of my lunch hours.  While trying to get a grip on my tear-clogged voice, I felt sorry for the lovely woman at the other end of the line.  I wouldn't want her job for ANYTHING!


In short, though, it's done.  The battle has been lost:  I will lose Swamp River Ridge.

There are a few different possibilities regarding HOW it will happen, and I do have some say in it.  The credit union does seem like it's trying to honor the good relationship I've had with them over the last 12+ years and not totally shaft me.  I've got to "crunch the numbers" yet today and talk to a few more people before making the final "how" decision.  I've requested a 2-hour meeting with Mama & Papa Pea tomorrow night to hear their take on the options.  As a result, I'm not yet ready to share with you, my dear friends, the whys and wherefores (or, more to the point, "hows and whens"), but I do have this for you:


I thought of something last night when I was home and doing chores . . . something that YOU could do to bolster my spirits, make my new home (what & wherever that may be) full of love and new hope and promise.  Part of me hesitates to ask this because I don't want to sound all "wanting" and selfish.  But, I know many of you WANT to help me . . . but don't know how (i.e. no one has an extra bazillion dollars buried in their back yard).  Although, the wonderful comments you make HERE help soooooo much!!!  But, here it is.  (And, remember, it's V-O-L-U-N-T-A-R-Y!  It has to be a "want to" do and not a "should" do.  Unless your heart's really in it, I don't think it will work.)

I would love, love, love to have something of you for my new life.  A representation of you.  Something tangible that I can look at, in my new digs, and remember, "Wow, I am surrounded by love and support.  I am NOT alone.  I CAN do this!"

Like what, you ask?  Like, an old pair of earrings you no longer wear but think I might enjoy.  A mixed CD of music to bolster my spirit.  Something handmade that I can look at or use.  A bottle of lotion that's "too stinky" for you (I luuuuuv oderiferous lotions!!!).  A scented candle you don't care for.  A new, candid photo of one of Bopee's / Una's "littles".  A scenic print you no longer have hanging on your wall.  An irreverent and funny plaque that's gotten you through hard times.  A Pay It Forward type thing. 


There's one thing, though:  you can't spend any new money on it.  Since so many of my "troubles" are a direct result of money (lack thereof), and since so many of us are struggling to pay our bills, I don't want YOU to suffer any additional expense.  Although, yeah, there would be the mailing costs.  (If you choose to participate, please send the item as INexpensively as possible!!)


Here are some examples of those very same items . . . things that have come to me when I didn't know I needed them.  And which, I just decided, I'll put into the pile to take with me to my during-my-work-week digs at the little cabin just outside of town.  So I'll see YOU there, feel your love and support.

A piece of artwork courtesy of The Peanut whom I got to see Friday night.  At just 4 1/2 years old, she wrote 'B.E. I (heart) U'.  B.E. = Bopee.  ;)  The snuggle bunny is from a dear eFriend.  You know who you are.  The handmade headband, too . . . the rich colors of which are ill-photographed here.  And, a prayer stone (?) dropped onto the front seat of the truck one day when I wasn't looking by Bundle of Joy's devout mama.  It reads 'courage'.

I think (know?) this is my way of asking for help.  If it's a physical thing that I can look at and enjoy and which will also provide a constant reminder of, as I said, the love and support that I know is out there, I think it will help me and keep me on the right path . . . moving forwardNot looking at the past, at the what-might-have-beens, that I no longer have (SRR) and the dreams associated with that.  Time to look at the NEW and the future!


P.S.  There was a misunderstanding/communication about that couple wanting to buy this place.  They already own their OWN "sanctuary" of 40 acres and wanted to buy my ELECTRICAL SYSTEM!  Sigh.

10 comments:

  1. Chicken Mamma you need to check the foreclosure laws of the state of MN . You have 6 months after a foreclosure to live in the house. If that is what you will be doing>
    Email the price you want for the house and 20 acres . Don want a place where no one will find find

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  2. Oh, I know (foreclosure laws)!! Believe me, I am doing NOTHING in my extra minutes than trying to provide myself with a crash-course! :)

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  3. I confess I rarely visit your blog, though I read Mama Pea's pretty regularly. This post broke my heart. It seems to me though, that your made of good stock survival stuff. I'm so sorry you have to go through this and sincerely hope for a beautiful silver lining in this dark, dreary cloud.

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  4. I DON'T KNOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS BUT THE ONE ON THE TOP OF THIS LIST SOUNDS HOPEFUL!I HAVE JUST THE THING FOR YOU,IT WILL DEFIANTLY MAKE YOU SMILE AND IF BY ANY CHANCE YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR PLACE IT WILL ADD TO ITS AMBIANCE.(NOW I HAVE TO GO DRY MY TEARS-TRY TO HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK-AT LEAST THE WEATHER WILL BE NICE)

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  5. you got it, girlfriend! Not sure what "it" will be, but I will definitely be sending you something so you know we are right there with you in spirit anyways! I am SO sorry to hear this is happening for real, but you seem strong and bullheaded like me so I'm picturing that after you have a good cry, once you know what's inevitable and have a timeframe you will make a plan and just go with it - what else can we do right? Self preservation, baby - you can do it and you WILL do it! Love you :)

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  6. As the old song goes, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose". There is power and hope in that phrase. You are becoming free--free at last! Free to begin all over again and all the wiser from what you've been through. BTW, your header photo of the steps is so poignant and full of metaphor. What I especially like about the photograph is what peeks through and beyond the tangled brambles: a clear, blue sky. Keep head'n there! It's not that far anymore. -"M"

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  7. Oh, man! That stinks about the misunderstanding. When I'm inspired by the right thing, it will be on its way, via special delivery (by hand). Hugs!

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  8. I'm a new reader (found you through your mom's blog), but I'd like to send you a tiny something - where should I mail it? My email address is hepkittenink@gmail.com. Hugs.

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  9. CM, Mostly I read Mama Pea's blogs and found yours through her, of course. But I do try to read yours about once a week only commenting a few times though. Lately, it has been difficult to do that due to your "situation". I ache for you and wish I had an extra $100,000 to help you out. I know others do also. Can't help but think you are going to make it through these tough times because it sounds like you are a survivor. I must say that after all you have gone through and are going through, I love what you have asked of your blog readers. Besides sending my thoughts and prayers for your well-being, I also would like to hunt for something special in my house to send to you. So, the question in the end is where do I send it? I know you want to keep your privacy intact so how do I get mail to you?

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If you are familiar with me and where I live, please respect my right to retain some anonymity by not referring to me by anything other than Chicken Mama nor mentioning city/town/villages by place names. Thanks!