It Was Hard

It was hard coming home tonight.  Not physically.  Emotionally.  When I called Mama & Papa Pea to tell them I'd arrived safe & sound, instead of my usual, "We're home!" I said, "We're here!"  I'm not sure where or what 'home' is, anymore.  And, I have a feeling that I won't for a while.

And . . . I don't know what to say about it.  This isn't a situation I can "get out" of my system.  It simply IS.  And it sucks.  (I never say that word out loud because it bothers me more than even The F Word - go figure - but it's so apt sometimes.)

But, I guess I need to "talk".  After all, I'm here, aren't I?  Bonzi, the cat, just waddled up to me.  'Waddled' being the most important word.  She is sooooooo fat!  And, when Dosie, the dead cat, and Jinx, the baby, need so much food to keep meat on their diabetic and growing bodies, respectively, it's downright impossible to keep Bonzi from eating.  Soon, though, it will be lovely enough outside for me to throw her outside before I leave each day.  Then, Dosie & Jinx can eat all the food.  Matter of fact, it HAS been that lovely . . . guess what poor kitty's gonna experience tomorrow morning?!

I digress.  My, how easy it was!  ;)

Anyway, when I did get in tonight, I spent some time puttering out in the garage.  That was a foreign enough move (on a "school night" when I'm ordinarily exhausted . . . which I am underneath the anxiety) that it helped.  I visited the little cabin tonight that I told you about before - the one located just outside of town and to which the owners have basically given me carte blanche.  It felt good to be there, to be in that space, and the anxiety only began as I drove nearer Swamp River Ridge away from town.  How alien it is to NOT feel my most comfortable, content, protected, and safe here . . . as I always have before and always thought I would be.  

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on the little cabin and am making lists of items to bring there.  That's what I did tonight out in the garage.

This cabin is rustic in the sense that there is no electricity nor running water.  But, the laughable comparison is that it's WAY more finished, inside, than this Swamp River Ridge house.  Heck, the sheetrock there is even painted!  ;)  I loaded a splitting axe and a small one for kindling into the car.  Next time I drive the truck in, I'll bring a maple splitting block.  I packed oil for the axe blades, too.  I filled a counter-top multi-drawer storage unit with screws and nails and small tools.  Grabbed a digital thermometer and stud finder . . . which need new batteries before they go into town.  Got my cordless mini circular saw out as well as the drill.  Battery packs and chargers for same.  I think I'll be able to leave the chargers plugged in at Mama & Papa Pea's.  Put two pair of loppers in the car, too; one has extendable arms.  The little cabin needs some trimming & cutting back of trees & branches.


The point of all this, which may be incredibly boring to you, is that I need to focus on the new . . . and try to make that somewhat exciting.  Otherwise, I ain't got much.


But, instead of ending on such a Debbie Downer note, here are the aforementioned cats.  Remember how I've said that Bonzi & Dosie (who used to be inseparable until Bonzi got fixed & Dosie got sick) have nothing to do with each other anymore?  Well, here are Dosie & Jinx.  They've hung out together a lot since Jinx arrived back in November:

And here's what happened as soon as I took the above picture:

Ha!  Looks as though Jinx is a little . . . startled, eh?  ;)

Okay, off to bed.  Oh, sweet Mollie, will you send me another note via the Kontactr form on the blog?  I couldn't get your e-mail address (from it) to respond.