Sunday Night

I got this idea from another blog and various Internet memes - it's a way to update when I don't have any clever posts tripping around my brain.  Feel free to copy/steal/use for yourself!

• Reading?  My current audio book is Nora Roberts' 'High Noon'.
• Location?  In the rocker in the corner of the kitchen.
• Watching?  I watched 'Hollywoodland' this afternoon while I ironed my work clothes for the week.
• Listening to?  The hum of the refrig, a particularly large (sounding) fly buzzing around, Maisy's sighs while she sleeps at my feet, and the tick-tock-tick-tock of the cuckoo clock.  The house never feels "right" if I've let the cuckoo clock run out.
• Drinking?  Cheap "three buck chuck" wine:  Tisdale Merlot.
• Wearing?  Green Polarfleece (but I'm a little too warm in it), blue t-shirt, Carhartt work pants, brown socks, blue generic Crocs.  Sexy, huh?
• Cooking/Baking?  Boiled some eggs and some bow-tie pasta for a cold salad, but bein's it's already 9:39 PM, I don't think I'm gonna get it made tonight.
• Happy you accomplished this past week?  That I made it through it?  ;)  Okay, probably the realization that I'm a damn-good salesgirl.  Who knew? 
• Looking forward to in coming week?  Making money, payday, making my new temporary home more comfortable.
• Thankful for today?  The weather and the sounds of nothing but the birds, the river, and the wind . . . but both of those are double-edged swords as the former isn't "a good thing", and the latter will soon be lost due to my forced relocation.

Being truthful, how am I?  Meh.  Life sucks, then you die.  No, n . . . SHIT, mosquito!!!!!  Got him.  Oh, hell . . . it's starting already?!

So, yeah, this weather.  Traditionally, we here in northeastern Minnesota receive our greatest amount of snow-per-month in March.  Today?  72 degrees in the shade.  And pretty much all the snow is GONE.  I was wearing shorts while I puttered around.  I kid you not.  Already, I'm having a hard time sleeping at night due to the heat.  BUT, let's look on the bright side:  I'll make sure my next home has a cool bedroom 24/7/365!  Rah, rah, siss-boom . . . blah.  (Insert wan smile.)

Usually, the bugs come out right at the end of May.  I saw two last Thursday and then this one just now.  BizARRE-o!!  The cluster flies are out in droves already, too.  All the windows are spotted from their . . . deposits.  BLECH!

I forgot my first for-my-new-home giftie at work yesterday, so I can't photograph and blog about that today.  :(  For the rest of you fantastic people who have written and asked for my address, hang on 'til Tuesday, will you?  I'm gonna procure a post office box in town 'cause I just CAN'T get to the P.O. out here during open hours anymore.  And I know my mail is piling up there.  So, after payday tomorrow, I'll hit the town P.O. and get a new mailing address.  It's another step away from my home in this little berg, but a necessary one, I know.

That's all.  It's past my bedtime, and I'm gonna try to not think about what I DIDN'T get done today.  Nor am I gonna stay up late to do it.  So there.  ;)
 

Dude.

Dude.  You can't make this sh*t up.

When I got home from work Tuesday evening, there was no power.  And that was odd because it had been a glorious, full-sun day.  I checked the battery system, and, sure enough, another battery had gone bad within the bank . . . pulling the voltage of the entire system way down.  Ah, yes.  And, the local guru is in . . . Norway right now.  The long-distance guru might be up next weekend.  If so, he could switch the bad one out with one of the two remaining "replacements".  But, it's just a matter of time before they're all dead.  So, unless it's fully sunny and the batteries are charging via the solar panels, I have no electricity.  Unless I run the generator.  Which is what I've been doing each AM & PM before leaving for and once returning from work.

But wait!  There's more!

When I got home from work Wednesday night, all ready for my day off on Thursday, I walked into the utility room of the house to find water on the floor.  What the . . . ?  Further investigation found it seeping underneath the common wall into the bathroom . . . and soaking, from the bottom up, a couple inches of the sheetrock there.

Tracing the misplaced water back to its origin . . . I found a BRASS FITTING (mind you, only, what 5-6 years old???) leading up from the well and into the pressure tank had sprung a tiny hole in its solid side.  NOT at a joint.  NOT where it met the next piece of water line.  Cold, fresh water was happily shooting out.

I'm really beyond the you-have-got-to-be-kidding point.  (Well, famous last words . . . never say never!!!)  But, I gotta say, these "little things" are making it QUITE A BIT easier to think about leaving Swamp River Ridge right now!  ;)

I've tried patching the leak to no avail.  And its progressing all the time.  So, I'm going to have to call a plumber.  In the meantime?  Yeah, the water is off.  No showers, no dish washing, no laundry.

ON THE UP SIDE (!), I had a lovely visit from dear comment-leaver "M" yesterday at work.  She dropped off my first "for my new life" giftie.  More to come on that (WITH an accompanying picture) tomorrow.  :)

Also on the up side, a heavy, heavy LARGE steel plate did not fall on my head this week as it did a dear, dear friend's husband!  He's okay, aside from an impressive glued-together gash on his head, a sore noggin and stiff neck.  I caught them at the gas station the other night on their way home from the ER.  I told them about Swamp River Ridge, he said he might cry.  It was just the ER drugs talking, I'm sure.  ;)  But I got to give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.  That made it all better . . . for me, oddly enough!  I've got to remember my wonderful, loving friends through this all.  :)
  

It Was Hard

It was hard coming home tonight.  Not physically.  Emotionally.  When I called Mama & Papa Pea to tell them I'd arrived safe & sound, instead of my usual, "We're home!" I said, "We're here!"  I'm not sure where or what 'home' is, anymore.  And, I have a feeling that I won't for a while.

And . . . I don't know what to say about it.  This isn't a situation I can "get out" of my system.  It simply IS.  And it sucks.  (I never say that word out loud because it bothers me more than even The F Word - go figure - but it's so apt sometimes.)

But, I guess I need to "talk".  After all, I'm here, aren't I?  Bonzi, the cat, just waddled up to me.  'Waddled' being the most important word.  She is sooooooo fat!  And, when Dosie, the dead cat, and Jinx, the baby, need so much food to keep meat on their diabetic and growing bodies, respectively, it's downright impossible to keep Bonzi from eating.  Soon, though, it will be lovely enough outside for me to throw her outside before I leave each day.  Then, Dosie & Jinx can eat all the food.  Matter of fact, it HAS been that lovely . . . guess what poor kitty's gonna experience tomorrow morning?!

I digress.  My, how easy it was!  ;)

Anyway, when I did get in tonight, I spent some time puttering out in the garage.  That was a foreign enough move (on a "school night" when I'm ordinarily exhausted . . . which I am underneath the anxiety) that it helped.  I visited the little cabin tonight that I told you about before - the one located just outside of town and to which the owners have basically given me carte blanche.  It felt good to be there, to be in that space, and the anxiety only began as I drove nearer Swamp River Ridge away from town.  How alien it is to NOT feel my most comfortable, content, protected, and safe here . . . as I always have before and always thought I would be.  

Anyway, I'm trying to focus on the little cabin and am making lists of items to bring there.  That's what I did tonight out in the garage.

This cabin is rustic in the sense that there is no electricity nor running water.  But, the laughable comparison is that it's WAY more finished, inside, than this Swamp River Ridge house.  Heck, the sheetrock there is even painted!  ;)  I loaded a splitting axe and a small one for kindling into the car.  Next time I drive the truck in, I'll bring a maple splitting block.  I packed oil for the axe blades, too.  I filled a counter-top multi-drawer storage unit with screws and nails and small tools.  Grabbed a digital thermometer and stud finder . . . which need new batteries before they go into town.  Got my cordless mini circular saw out as well as the drill.  Battery packs and chargers for same.  I think I'll be able to leave the chargers plugged in at Mama & Papa Pea's.  Put two pair of loppers in the car, too; one has extendable arms.  The little cabin needs some trimming & cutting back of trees & branches.


The point of all this, which may be incredibly boring to you, is that I need to focus on the new . . . and try to make that somewhat exciting.  Otherwise, I ain't got much.


But, instead of ending on such a Debbie Downer note, here are the aforementioned cats.  Remember how I've said that Bonzi & Dosie (who used to be inseparable until Bonzi got fixed & Dosie got sick) have nothing to do with each other anymore?  Well, here are Dosie & Jinx.  They've hung out together a lot since Jinx arrived back in November:

And here's what happened as soon as I took the above picture:

Ha!  Looks as though Jinx is a little . . . startled, eh?  ;)

Okay, off to bed.  Oh, sweet Mollie, will you send me another note via the Kontactr form on the blog?  I couldn't get your e-mail address (from it) to respond.

Looking Ahead

There've been many different titles for this post swimming through my over-taxed, over-wrought, muddled brain.  Like 'I'm Going to Lose It' (meaning SRR, although it also applies to the obvious) or 'Time to Ask for Help' or 'The End of an Era' or 'One Step at a Time' or . . . .


It was an incredibly stressful week for me (but, then, what's new?!).  I ended up crying into the receiver during yet another telephone meeting with the credit union during one of my lunch hours.  While trying to get a grip on my tear-clogged voice, I felt sorry for the lovely woman at the other end of the line.  I wouldn't want her job for ANYTHING!


In short, though, it's done.  The battle has been lost:  I will lose Swamp River Ridge.

There are a few different possibilities regarding HOW it will happen, and I do have some say in it.  The credit union does seem like it's trying to honor the good relationship I've had with them over the last 12+ years and not totally shaft me.  I've got to "crunch the numbers" yet today and talk to a few more people before making the final "how" decision.  I've requested a 2-hour meeting with Mama & Papa Pea tomorrow night to hear their take on the options.  As a result, I'm not yet ready to share with you, my dear friends, the whys and wherefores (or, more to the point, "hows and whens"), but I do have this for you:


I thought of something last night when I was home and doing chores . . . something that YOU could do to bolster my spirits, make my new home (what & wherever that may be) full of love and new hope and promise.  Part of me hesitates to ask this because I don't want to sound all "wanting" and selfish.  But, I know many of you WANT to help me . . . but don't know how (i.e. no one has an extra bazillion dollars buried in their back yard).  Although, the wonderful comments you make HERE help soooooo much!!!  But, here it is.  (And, remember, it's V-O-L-U-N-T-A-R-Y!  It has to be a "want to" do and not a "should" do.  Unless your heart's really in it, I don't think it will work.)

I would love, love, love to have something of you for my new life.  A representation of you.  Something tangible that I can look at, in my new digs, and remember, "Wow, I am surrounded by love and support.  I am NOT alone.  I CAN do this!"

Like what, you ask?  Like, an old pair of earrings you no longer wear but think I might enjoy.  A mixed CD of music to bolster my spirit.  Something handmade that I can look at or use.  A bottle of lotion that's "too stinky" for you (I luuuuuv oderiferous lotions!!!).  A scented candle you don't care for.  A new, candid photo of one of Bopee's / Una's "littles".  A scenic print you no longer have hanging on your wall.  An irreverent and funny plaque that's gotten you through hard times.  A Pay It Forward type thing. 


There's one thing, though:  you can't spend any new money on it.  Since so many of my "troubles" are a direct result of money (lack thereof), and since so many of us are struggling to pay our bills, I don't want YOU to suffer any additional expense.  Although, yeah, there would be the mailing costs.  (If you choose to participate, please send the item as INexpensively as possible!!)


Here are some examples of those very same items . . . things that have come to me when I didn't know I needed them.  And which, I just decided, I'll put into the pile to take with me to my during-my-work-week digs at the little cabin just outside of town.  So I'll see YOU there, feel your love and support.

A piece of artwork courtesy of The Peanut whom I got to see Friday night.  At just 4 1/2 years old, she wrote 'B.E. I (heart) U'.  B.E. = Bopee.  ;)  The snuggle bunny is from a dear eFriend.  You know who you are.  The handmade headband, too . . . the rich colors of which are ill-photographed here.  And, a prayer stone (?) dropped onto the front seat of the truck one day when I wasn't looking by Bundle of Joy's devout mama.  It reads 'courage'.

I think (know?) this is my way of asking for help.  If it's a physical thing that I can look at and enjoy and which will also provide a constant reminder of, as I said, the love and support that I know is out there, I think it will help me and keep me on the right path . . . moving forward.  Not looking at the past, at the what-might-have-beens, that I no longer have (SRR) and the dreams associated with that.  Time to look at the NEW and the future!


P.S.  There was a misunderstanding/communication about that couple wanting to buy this place.  They already own their OWN "sanctuary" of 40 acres and wanted to buy my ELECTRICAL SYSTEM!  Sigh.

Ugh

Ugh.  I don't have much of anything "uplifting" to say today.  Browsing through a couple of YOUR blog posts, though, maybe it's going around.  ;)

Spent my day "off" yesterday with the normal 5:30 alarm followed by much of my day spent in town.  It was a profitable day there, as far as those things go.  Had a tutorial with a website client and that went well.  Then rushed to Mama & Papa Pea's (with 5 minutes to spare) for my telephone meeting with the lawyer.  I still need to process all that she said and get my notes written up into a more comprehensive form, but, basically, my options are not terrific.

But, I did get an e-mail this morning from the long-distance Off-Grid Systems Guru who was in the county and came out to check on my system yesterday while I was gone!  (Argh.  He knew it was my day off and so worked his schedule to fit it, I think . . . and here I wasn't even around!)  But, I'd told him to let himself in, and so he was able to do a little work that did help.  The automatic start on the generator is still a problem, though, as - apparently - the setup for it is different than what everyone's used to.  But, he changed out yet another bad battery, and so now I'm down to only 2 "back ups".  On the up side, the batteries are holding a charge even better now (which is NO big surprise - a battery system is only as strong as its weakest link).

Back to his e-mail, though, he knows a couple who he thinks would be interested in Swamp River Ridge.  Very interested.  Matter of fact, I just this second got another e-mail from him asking if they could come meet with me and see the house and property in about 2 weeks!  I've gotta say, though, all these constant ups and downs are EXHAUSTING.  But, I'm gonna run and get back to him / them.  Then it's off for another day of fun (ahem) at work.

Peace out. 

This Is Me

Just found this on My Girl's Tumblr, and I almost blew out a booger.  This is SO me right now!!!  (And, hey, it got me to laugh!)

Nuthin' Much

I got a chance to visit with Bundle of Joy and her parents a couple of weeks ago.  We were reading 'Snuggle Puppy' - I must have been at the "Oo-ooo-oooh" part!  ;)  And post- or pre- hot flash with the hot pink ears!

Nuthin' much to report.  I have felt flat-out EXHAUSTED every night this week and have pretty much just gone to bed each evening rather than trying to Get Stuff Done.  Since there's no real reason for it, I'm guessing it's because of all the current mental stress with the house / property.  

I had a meeting with my realtor & good friend again on Monday.  That resulted in more questions and clarifications for my mortgage company.  An e-mail from them waiting for me last night said that they were "reviewing my file" (AGAIN?!!) and would have answers for me today.  Hmph.  That doesn't sound promising.  Or, maybe it's just because I'm asking for specifics now?  Heard back from the lawyer, too, and I have a telephone meeting with her tomorrow.

I'm in on-going e-mail discussions with a couple of people who really want the northern 20 I'm trying to sell, but I have little hope that it will work out for either of them.  Too far out for one and no money for the other.

Annnd, that's about it.  See, not much worth reporting!  With that, I've gotta wash my hair and get ready for work.

But, to end on an up(per) note, which do YOU like better:  more light in the morning or at night (now that we're nearing Spring Forward time for our clocks)?  I'll be getting home while it's still light out next week . . . which will be huge!  But, having the dusky-early-morning-light these mornings has really helped when my alarm goes off . . . and I'll lose that with the changing of the clocks.  Although, I suspect it won't be too long at all until I gain it back as spring gets a firmer hold on our northern hemisphere.

A Mystery & Ramblings

It's a gorgeous, sunny, sunny day today . . . the first time we've seen the sun in well over a week, I'd say.  MUCH appreciated!  And, double the fun since it's come on a day off for me!  It's chilly, though, according to the thermometer (-5 this AM), but it doesn't feel cold outside due to that strong ol' sol.

Just as I was falling asleep last night, the dogs and I were awoken by a huge BOOM! that sent them both into howls of protective aggression.  What the . . . ??  It wasn't a tree falling on the house (nor was there any wind), so the ONLY dreaded thing I could come up with was that one of the batteries for the electrical system must have exploded.  Hmmm, what to do, I wondered, as I lay there, exhausted?  If it WAS one of the batteries, was I gonna clean it up right then?  Nope.  Too, too tired.  If it WAS one of the batteries, could that cause a fire?  No, I didn't think so.  "All" that would do is knock out the electrical system.  And, truthfully, at that point of the night, I didn't want to know.  So, without turning on the bedside light to see if there was electricity or not, I took a flashlight and padded across the hall into the guest bedroom upstairs to look out on the moonlit night.  Good:  the garage looked solid.  No flames shooting out.  So, with that, I crawled back into bed and didn't wake up until Dosie, the cat, rudely - but gently - speared my left eyelid this morning with a claw, insisting that it was time to get up!

So, what WAS the BOOM!?  Dunno.  All looked well this AM.  I'd thought of a sonic boom; we used to hear them somewhat frequently when I was growing up on Mama & Papa Pea's homestead.  The acreage was located directly under the jet paths for the National Guard located 3 hours south, and their flights regularly broke the sound barrier.  But, that was generally on sunny, summertime days.  So, if this boom was that, maybe someone had been out on a moonlit recon mission?  Who knows!  I'll be sure to let you know what it was if I ever find out!


In other news, a meeting with the credit union that holds my mortgage this past week resulted in the actual threat & promise to foreclose on Swamp River Ridge if I don't put the house & property on the market immediately.  If I do that (put it on the market), I WILL have the option of removing it from the "danger list" if I come up with the money to get the past-due mortgages up-to-date (although I'm not yet sure what that time-line would look like).  For me, that would mean the sale of the 20 acres I've put on the market.  


Anyway, I was pretty much decided that that's what I'd have to do (put it on the market instead of going into foreclosure) until discussions with two different sets of friends/family this past week resulted in duplicate suggestions that I might, actually, be BETTER SERVED (!!?) by allowing the foreclosure process to begin!!!  Blew my socks off, that did!  So, I have word in to a lawyer friend waiting for some advice and, hopefully, a free consultation.  I'll keep you posted.


Meanwhile, at the forefront of my mind has been realizing what it specifically IS that I love about this place, Swamp River Ridge, so much.  What I can't get anywhere else.  And, what my (most primary) regrets would be if I do lose it.  It's profound (and invaluable) insight that this situation is generating!  Who knew?!  (And, hey, ya GOTTA keep looking at the silver lining!)  But, those realizations will be in a post on another day.  Gotta get back to it.

Here are two pics from the past week:

The high winds that threatened to bring another snowstorm right on top of last Sunday's failed to deliver, but they DID result in some amazing wave action out on the big lake!

On Monday, as I set off to work after dropping the dogs at Mama & Papa Pea's, their resident small herd of deer allowed me to stop on the driveway to take several pictures of them in the fresh, deep snow, back-lit by the day's rising sun.