I Need to Regroup

I woke up feeling a bit like death warmed over this morning.  During the night, I developed the worst headache I've EVER had, and my sleep was miserable.  I dunno if the headache was brought on by the two glasses of wine I had last night (because I had a glass of Pinot Noir and then a glass of Malbec, and I shouldn't have "mixed" them??) or because it's so dry in the house in the wintertime and my sinuses were plugged.  Any at rate, it was awful.  I kept trying to stay in bed to "sleep it off", but I should have gotten up earlier because I do feel better now that I'm upright (which would indicate sinus trouble, no?).  Still . . . u-g-h.

I think my ugh-ness is also due to having slid a bit backwards down the slippery slope that was The Old Me.  One thing I've realized in The New Me's schedule is that I'm simply NOT getting my evenings at home to either keep up on things or get new tasks done.  Do you remember me saying that my first order of business was to get the rooms of the house clean, one by one, and then KEEP them clean?  Well, the first two rooms to get that attention (the sunroom and livingroom) REMAIN the only two rooms clean.  I just CANNOT get the time to get to the rest of the house . . . much less littler things like the dishes!  I know I figured that, if I didn't have the time to work on them in the evenings, I could get to them on the weekends.  But, I'm realizing, too, just HOW MUCH contending with the snow in the wintertime takes me away from all that.

Case in point:  yesterday was my Saturday, and I spent the entire day shoveling and plowing snow.  Shoveling the front walk from the house to the yard, shoveling the path to the solar panels and then clearing them off, shoveling the path to the chicken house, plowing the front yard, plowing the driveway, plowing the winter driveway.  When I came in after 5:00 PM, I cleaned a portion of the kitchen and made myself a good dinner and took it upstairs to the library to eat while I watched a movie . . . and then I woke up on the couch in that room at 1:15 this morning!

I guess the point to all of this is that I'm realizing that:

a)  I'm still not getting to bed when I need to and, therefore, not getting enough sleep (or I wouldn't have fallen asleep on the couch last night and lost the rest of the evening).
b)  Being just one person to do both the outside work (especially in the winter) and the inside work makes progress move a LOT more slowly.  And, I've got to get comfortable with that fact.

Case in point #2, I'd invited a friend to dinner last night for a VERY overdue visit.  Because of the high winds and additional snow that fell on Sunday, I had to deal with the outside world yesterday and couldn't prep the inside for the visit and dinner.  So, I asked for a raincheck (for Thursday).  All day, I felt guilty because I'd asked for that raincheck.  But, the point is that if I DO feel it necessary to postpone something because of What Needs To Get Done, then I shouldn't waste a single second feeling guilty about it!  Because, as just one person doing everything, I SHOULDN'T EXPECT that I CAN get everything done, all at once!

Am I rambling?  Am I making any sense?  Well, it does help me to get it out, verbalize it, etc.

So, what's keeping me from having time in the evenings?  I'm not sure, exactly.  I know some of it has been keeping social engagements with friends, certainly.  But, what's caused the issues the other nights?  I'm going to pay attention to that in the upcoming weeks to see where I need to make changes OR make my expectations more realistic.

Too, I've slid backwards in keeping to my priorities.  I was doing well there for a while, but it's time for another evaluation.  I've had a few things on my To Do list, things I promised to do for friends, that are still un-done.  Why?  'Cause it's been EASIER to ignore them, thinking I'll get them done "tomorrow".  Riiiiight.  But, is that what I want to be like?  No!  The whole point of The New Me is to eliminate some of those Old Me less-than-stellar habits.

Hmph, ramble, ramble, rant.

And, WHY is it that we hold such unrealistic expectations for OURSELVES, but not for others?  If all these things I've just said were being told to me by a girlfriend, I would say, "Honey!  Look at what you HAVE gotten done!  You need to realize that there's NO WAY that you can get it ALL done by YOURSELF!  You're doing great!  And, your not going to change overnight!  It's a process, and the important thing is that you're AWARE of your "slips" and want to continue to make progress!  Yayyy, you!"  Why can't we take our own advice?  Pretty stupid!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and rant.  I have been taking some pictures, lately, and now that I found (yayyy!) the camera-to-computer USB, I'd like to get them posted.  You know, "tomorrow".  ;p