Actually, maybe that should read 'A Little Justification WITH QUALIFIERS, Please'.
See, I enjoy blogging in the morning. I pad downstairs in my bathrobe & slippers, get everyone (but myself) fed (I'm just not a food-right-away kind of person), get the coffee or tea on, and build a fire in the sunroom's glass-fronted Hearthstone. All that's done while this decrepit excuse for a laptop warms up and takes about 10 minutes to pull up my blog.
Anyway, here's where I need a little support & justification: blogging in the morning makes me later getting to town . . . which makes me even later getting home at night. And, here is the qualifier (unfair, I know, but it is what it is): the only part of the above scenario I am willing to change is the "want" of blogging in the morning. But, I don't WANT to have to skip that part of so many mornings: I want you to tell me it's okay. (See, I didn't give you much of an out, did I?)
I've ALWAYS been a night owl vs. a morning person. When I was a homemaker and went into town for a town day, I usually pulled in around 4:00. And those were the days that the alarm went off @ 7:00, so it wasn't like I wasn't getting up until noon! So now that I'm working outside the home, if I allow myself to fall into my body's natural rhythm, I find myself driving home fairly late at night. Now, what I WISH my mom would say is, "Honey, you know I don't like you driving home so late at night. But, I also know that you are a good driver and have a good head on your shoulders." But, here's what she says, "Honey, you know I don't like you driving home so late at night!"
I hate it that she worries, and I hate it that I feel guilty about it. But then, I remember that no one ELSE can make us feel any certain way: we are responsible for our own emotions. So, as heartless as it seems, perhaps I need to just think, "Mom, I know you don't like it, but this is ME, MY schedule, and I'm not going to feel guilty about it."
As I was writing, I just struck on this idea, too: maybe a reason they (my folks) don't like me driving home so late is because they don't want to have to "come to my rescue" (in the dark) should I need help. Maybe that's it. In which case, I'll deal with it myself (always the first choice, of course) or I'll call someone else. Okay! That one's off my mind.
I don't know, am I rambling? A bit? Okay. And all this from wanting to take the time in the morning to blog. Geez! What I need to learn how to do is to FEEL OKAY with following my own rhythms, the schedule that works FOR ME. Every time I try to change it (go to bed earlier, get up earlier), I feel like I'm trying to swim upstream. With rocks tied around both ankles. And, are those attempts at change for ME? Nope, they're for my folks (mostly Mama Pea). I don't want Mom to worry, but she also needs to realize that, at eight months from 40 years old, my bio-rhythms are probably NOT going to change . . . AND, I'm a smart person. I don't do stupid things ("Hold m' beer, watch this!") when I'm driving home late at night. And, if I get a flat, I'll change it. If the spare is flat, I'll walk. I've done it before, and I can do it again. Besides, with my two hairy mascots always with me, what can go wrong? ;)
- Reading back thru this before posting, I sure DON'T mean for this to be a rant against parental concern or Mama Pea! I guess it's more a rant about the continual "struggle" of children, no matter their age, trying to establish their independence from their parents / family.
. . . But, no, that's not it, either. Maybe it's more about figuring out how to not let Parental / Familial Guilt affect you. Yeah, that's it. ;) That and remembering how fortunate I am just to HAVE good parents around TO guilt me!
P.S. Make sure to read the Comments section on this one: I opened myself up one heck of a can of worms!