or 'Dealing with the
Idiots Vacationers in a Tourist Town'
In no particular order:
- Silly me! When you brought me the dog harness and asked if you could open it to see the actual size, I assumed you’d do so CAREFULLY and not RIP it open! And right in front of me! (Why did you even bother asking?)
- Do you carry sleeveless vests?
- No, but we DO carry the vests with sleeves. They’re called JACKETS. (And, yes, of course, we carry vests. Even the ones without sleeves. How dumb is there?)
- Cellphones. Is there some cellphone etiquette? Of course. But, Rude People are not concerned by this. What GETS me, is that poor cellphone etiquette is often practiced by those who you can tell DO (normally!) practice decent etiquette. Why then, is that null and void when it comes to this? Not incidentally, while driving in Minneapolis not long ago, My Girl saw a car on the freeway, a father and son. The father was driving. BOTH were texting! Also, don't exclaim to US, in disgust, that the signal is poor in our store. IT'S A CONCRETE BUILDING. And YOU'RE the one too rude to finish your conversation outside before you came in.
- Do you have a bathroom? No, we don’t. Where’s the nearest one? The information center is one block east and half a block north. Ooooooh, I don’t think I’ll make it (i.e. LET ME USE YOUR BATHROOM!)
- Ummm, I know this is a radical thought, but shouldn’t you have TAKEN THAT INTO CONSIDERATION BEFORE YOU CAME IN TO SHOP??? (Yes, there are emergencies, but this happens frequently enough to eliminate – no pun intended - those situations!
- Delivered with a slightly amazed smile and a hushed voice as you check out, “We’re from . . . Minnesota!”
- Greaaaat: apparently you’re not aware that you’re still IN Minnesota. And they let you out by yourself? Now how the hell did that happen?
- Where’s your restroom? We don’t have one. (Gentle, I’m-so-sorry-smile.) You don’t? No, sorry. (Indignant), "Well! Where do YOU go?!"
- In the vacant lot out back. If we have to poop, we take a plastic bag.
- What ever happened to ‘you break it, you buy it’?
- Since this basic rule of MANNERS is more often than not forgotten, our informal rule is: if you offer to pay for it, we thank you and say that isn’t necessary: we knew it was a mistake. If you DON’T offer to pay for it (or apologize), we’ll add it to your bill at the check-out. With a sweet smile.
- If I am showing you a knife from the case, do not, I repeat, DO NOT step around to the back to grab another you’re looking at!
- Sir, if you’d like to see that, please return to the other side of the
case. C’mon!, you entitled, fat, balding
- To my fellow employees: if you leave 3, count ‘em, THREE squares of toilet paper on the roll and NO refill roll up in the storage area, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU! Slowly!
- (I’m putting a note up about this just as soon as I get the chance because, yes, it happened to me yesterday. Thank goodness my visit wasn't a "long" one, if you catch my drift!)
- Do you know who owns this store?
- No, but you know, that’s a GREAT question! I’ve always WONDERED who signs my checks!
- Do you live here?
- No, actually I live in Texas. I fly back and forth each day. I’m only home for about 20 minutes, and I sleep on the flights, but it’s worth it TO GET TO DEAL WITH IDIOTS LIKE YOU!