The biggest reason I'm not posting more right now is primarily because my laptop is stiiiiillllll in the shop! What's it been, 4, 5 weeks? The techie is super busy right now, and I've "okayed" him communicating that to me, but come ON!
But now, I have a second thing holding me up. The gun shy thing. After my last 'Help Me' post, I was called out on "complaining so much lately" by a dear friend. And so now, understandably, I'm worried about my writing being taken as nothing but a repeat of a broken record! She and I have since talked, and we're "okay". She was just concerned that what she saw as my negativity could/would/might breed more negativity . . . which she didn't want for me.
It's odd, that perspective thing. I don't consider myself a negative person IN THE SLIGHTEST! Matter of fact, I'm generally the one pointing out potential silver linings. And, so, yeah, I guess I have been writing about my long hours, the time the dogs have to spend in the car, the idiots at work . . . but if I don't get those guilty feelings, those gripes, those, yes, complaints OUT . . . how will I ever move forward?
Now, I don't want you, dear reader, to go lambasting her (my friend) . . . she was only trying to help by pointing these things out. But, it definitely hit me the wrong way, and now I'm trying to decide how to continue writing about that which is my life right now without giving that (continuing to give that?) vibe that some read as negative.
Just as girlfriends always complain about the stupid things their husbands/boyfriends do instead of beaming over the way she came home to a house full of clean laundry tucked away in the appropriate drawers (okay, you're laughing hysterically now, aren't you?!), it's natural for us to - there's that word again - COMPLAIN about that which ails us, figuratively and literally.
Perhaps I do need to verbalize the positives more frequently. I know I certainly am AWARE of them . . . I just don't often speak of them. Why? I dunno. Maybe it's because they don't stick in your craw (or brain!) like the aggravations do. Hmm, something to ponder.
So, with that, I think I'll go have another piece of coffee cake while I get dressed for work.
I also know that it's hard to talk about the positive things going on since it might alienate any coworkers that stumble upon it - i.e. the new space you got! Still very excited for you about that! Make sure you don't put in more time than you are getting paid to do at work, that will go a long way towards helping your positive outlook, you cannot exist solely on work and commuting. Leave time to love your homestead too, mentally it will refresh you!
ReplyDeleteIt's biological. Our brains are tuned to focus on the negative as a survival tactic, unfortunately. It's much more important to notice the poisonous snake than the beautiful flower next to it. So, I think that's what happens. And, you've had a hard year, which doesn't exactly promote laid-back happiness. So, yes, you've been complaining a lot, but it's pretty normal, given everything. Of course you don't want it to become your overall state of mind, but I doubt that would happen, knowing you. ;) You're just like all of us; doing the best that we can with what we've been handed.
ReplyDeleteI don't look at what you have been doing lately as "complaining" so much as venting. You have had a very stressful year and are dealing with figuring out how to manage / balance all the various aspects of your life on your own. Keeping those feelings bottled up won't do you any good and by speaking your mind, you get the support you need and perhaps input that gives you a different perspective on a situation. This is your space - so do with it as you wish!
ReplyDeleteEveryone needs a sounding board when things are upside down. Often having people who aren't immediately or personally involved as those you vent to can be so helpful. We, your readers, can be more objective because there's some distance that your friend doesn't have. It's good to have both-our close friends that know us and can hold us accountable and other more casual friends who can have a different perspective. Your feelings are your own-you don't need to apologize for them or defend them. Just putting them out there helps to process and get some objective support and listening ears. Keep writing and don't worry-we all understand you've been through so much and are now trying to put all the pieces in place. We're here for you!
ReplyDeleteI TRY to only type the most positive but sometimes there isn't anything positive. Life is hard. Appreciate the honesty of your friend. Nothing like a good slap upside the head to clear negative thoughts ;)
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time and if that is too much - hour by hour.
I really like the survival tactic - poisonous snake/beautiful flower. We are all survivors of one thing (if you are extremely lucky) or several.
Sometimes you want to just curl up in a ball. I have a pity party now and again. It gives one the vent so they are able to carry on again.
Keep slugging Chicken Mama!