* * * * * * *

"Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful."
- Unknown

"That which does not kill you, makes you stronger."
- Handed down through the ages.

"Life's tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid."
- John Wayne



What's YOUR Recurring Bad Dream?

I didn't want to ask about your recurring nightmare because that really isn't what this post is about.  I mean, I've had lots of BAD dreams, but only 1 real nightmare in my entire life (thank gawd) that I DON'T care to allow recur!  (Not that we have control of our subconscious.)  But, I digress.

I have a recurring "my life is out of control" dream.  At least, that's what I interpret it to mean.  And, it's always a different version of the same thing:  the brakes going on a truck that I'm driving.  See, "out of control"?

I dreamed several versions of that one last night.  In one, I was going down steep hills in Duluth (a large Minnesota city which is built on the steep southwest bank of Lake Superior from when it was a couple hundred feet deeper than it is now) and couldn't slow down enough to make the corners.  How would I stop:  take out parked cars or buildings?

In another, I was trying to park on the side of a snowy, snowy road (again, on a hill) to load a canoe and a bunch of silverware and food stuffs that I was delivering for a friend to a local lodge.  In that one, I had all five of the 4-leggeds in the truck with me, and it was a huge, fearful challenge to keep them all INSIDE whenever I had to open a door to load something.

And, in the last, in which I was delivering said silverware, canoe, and foodstuffs, it wasn't a matter of not being able to stop on the side of the road but rather that the critters kept getting out of the truck and running across the highway in front of huge 18-wheelers barreling down the road.  I'd be trying to hold onto collars or wriggling cats while screaming at Maisy or Tucker to "Come!  Come!" as a truck careened towards them.  UGH!  AWFUL!!

See?  Did I mention?  Out of control?

It's no surprise that I find myself stressing, more and more every day as another 24-hours pass on the Calendar of Time, about when I am going to have to be out of here and into a new place and just WHAT that new place will be!  This was brought on by learning, the afternoon that I'd written my last post that included my "fall back" property of the trailer on 13 acres, that it's been sold!  It's been on the market forever, so, of course, I was "planning" on it being available when and if I needed it.  And, now it's no longer an option.

And, I still haven't heard a THING from the credit union about The Situation, and that's driving me up the wall with worry and uncertainty.

AND, trying to take advantage of this upcoming rummage sale that I've been offered a part in for no more work than bringing the things I'd like to sell is stressing me out.  I'd felt that I needed to go through EVERYTHING I have in order to take the most advantage of it, but finding the time to do that has proven impossible (to go through EVERYTHING).  And this is most likely because it's the first time I've gone through the Ours stuff following the divorce.  So, it's not as simple as sorting between a Keep pile and a Rummage Sale pile.  Instead, it's those two PLUS a "his" pile . . . and sorting those things into His - Keep and His - Rummage Sale . . . because the ex has given me the go-ahead to sell much of that stuff.  Still, there are various things I want to run by him to make sure that he's okay with me selling . . . and that involves taking digital pictures to e-mail to him since he's in Alaska for the summer.  I know all this stress and sorting could have been alleviated by doing the same at some point within the last 2 years, but, for whatever multiple reasons, it didn't happen.  BUT, here's my point:  I finally realized WHY it (the rummage sale) was stressing me out so much, and now I'm to the (much more manageable) point of saying, "You know what?  I'll pull together what I can, and the rest can wait."  If another rummage sale is in the offing at the end of the summer, I'll take advantage of that.  If not, I'll find another way to deal with that stuff.  It's NOT something I should be stressing so much over.  So, that's that.

And, instead of finding the time to SORT through tons of little stuff, I'm going to focus on the big pieces - furniture, mostly - that I'll be getting rid of.  And, even tho I won't have QUANTITY in the rummage sale, I will be getting rid of things that are taking up a HUGE amount of space . . . and that will make the Leaving The House sorting MUCH easier.  Right?  Right!

Staying with the same theme a moment longer, I've realized that, given the WAY I'll be leaving this house (foreclosure), I don't have to have it picture-perfect ready for new owners (as tho I sold it).  I'm just going to LEAVE things that I no longer want but either don't have the time nor energy to get rid of (like a desk I don't care about keeping but am currently using).  The credit union can deal with them.  So, there!

I'd love to "entertain you" with more interesting subjects, but I guess I still need to get my frustrations out . . . still with The Move.  The way that time flies, it's going to be full-on summer before we know it and fall will be soon approaching (SORRY!, but you know it's true!).  And, with it, the time for me to be leaving.  My quandary is this:  do I get something secured NOW to live in or wait for something better to come down the line?  But, that's such a gamble because what if nothing "better" presents itself in time?

At this point, I think I'd feel better - have a HUGE bit of stress removed - if I DID secure a place sooner rather than later.  Of course THEN, there's the very real possibility of paying to maintain TWO places instead of just one.  But, still, that's a risk that I feel is less than the gamble of waiting for that "more perfect" place (that may never come).  So, for now, I feel like I need to move forward with the not-perfectly-built cabin on the 5 acres that I really love.  I've looked in the windows and walked around the property (and used the biffy!) oodles of time but still haven't been inside.  Now I have an appointment to do so.  But, instead of trying to buy it immediately, I think I'll see if the owners would agree to a 1-year rental agreement.  I'd have to build a large outbuilding on it, though, for storage.  And put a floor on the (currently open) 2nd story loft so I could use it as a bedroom.  Ideally, if I ended up NOT buying the property, the owners would reimburse me the cost of the outbuilding and cabin improvements.  If I do this, I can start moving things out of here as I pack them . . . instead of just shuffling them around.  It's SO much easier to work on things like that if you can MAKE MORE ROOM as you do it!

In (not really) other news, I've noticed that I'm LOSING readers to this blog (at least, in the form of Followers) instead of reaching my goal of 100!  I figure it's because all I'm talking about these days is The Move and my woes instead of homesteading.  Oh, well.  There's nothing I can do about that, either, so I shouldn't take it personally.  Am I going to stop writing about what is currently My Life (which is NOT homesteading)?  Nope.  So, get over it, Chicken Mama!

Whew!  I guess I needed to vent / complain a little.  Mitch and boan, as Mama Pea would say.  NOW, I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and ENJOY the gorgeous, warm, full-sun day and GET ON WITH IT!

Peace out.  ;)

29 comments:

  1. Oy. I do so wish I was close enough to give you a giant hug and pour us a couple glasses of James Beam. I agree with the 'letting' go. And I would also agree that finding something sooner would relieve a lot of your stress. Renting for a year with the option of rent-to-buy is a very good idea. It gives you some breathing room. Also a good idea to make sure that any improvements are compensated in one way or another - in cash if you move out, or toward purchase if you rent-to-buy. Just be sure to get a good contract (lawyer) even if it's between friends. Ask me how I know this. No, don't. Hugs to you, sweetie pie!

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  2. Hey, we're still here reading your blog and want you to know we are in your corner. Just a thought about buying so soon...what if something wonderful came up in another location like a town, even another country?...you get the idea. You are smart, young, beautiful, have fantastic graphic/computer/writing skills and will be free. The world IS your oyster. But then again, I really understand the desire to be near family and the familiar community that you grew up in.You are truly blessed to have that;not too many of us can savor that anymore. Good luck to you and know that lots of love is going your way."M"

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  3. sale,GARAGE SALE,you said the majic word,I'm taking the next train plane ,buggygomoble and heading north,or is that a covered wagon headed west,yes thats it,oh hell,I better stay home or I'll get lost---whoismea--it truly is a gorgeous day,I BROUGHT PAT TO THE DR IN MAPLE GROVE-THE CLINIC THERE OVERLOOKS A POND AND I LOVE THE WATER SO MUCH AND MISS IT ,I WANTED TO DIVE RIGHT IN

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  4. Elizabeth BarniskisMay 10, 2012 7:21 PM

    You owe absolutely NOTHING to the ex. SELL, SELL,SELL all of his stuff. He has had months to claim anything that important to him.

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    1. That was my thought exactly - don't stress over HIS stuff. If he wanted it, it would be gone already. SELL IT!

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  5. Yes, sell all that stuff of "his"... if he hasn't needed it in 2 years I say whatEVAH! LOL. I also would not build any outbuildings on this other property and expect the owners to reimburse you, just get a storage unit or put up a yurt that you can take with you. I personally as a landlord (and I'm a good one!) would never agree to that type of arrangement, so just be prepared if they say no. Not that it's a bad idea if you were to be there for 5-10 years, but for such a short time they might not be financially prepared for that if it's been vacant and losing money. Also, if you find something good do you have a certain date you have to maintain the big house until? Around here it seems people just bail as soon as they find something else and let the bank deal with it. But then again foreclosure parties are common here, what a horrific sight that is! I am wishing you GOOD dreams starting now! :)

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  6. I agree on the ex's stuff! Just merge the "his stuff" pile to the sell pile and move on. Simplify, simplify.

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  7. I'm still here. I hope everything works as well as possible with your home and the move and you keep us up to date. I wish I could do something for you. If the cabin is what you want then go for it! As far as ex's stuff, if you have stored it for 2 years and he hasn't helped I'd sell it all and keep the money to boot. You're not his doormat or storage facility! Just my opinion and we all know what that's worth!

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  8. Love all these comments! Supportive & Sassy! I'm way away from your place, but if I were closer I'd help you with the rummage/garage sale. You wrote once that you use your blog to work things through--so go for it. And a Lady Homesteader can write whatever the heck she wants on her blog--I usually swear a blue streak, but "heck" works here. And yep, as others have said, I'm still here reading your blog! Big hugs from the west coast!! And may those fearful dreams turn into calm and peaceful ones once your energy gets to settle down again. Hang in there, Chicken Mama! (Is there an acupuncturist near you who could give you some treatments? Barter or something.)

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  9. I agree with your plan of attack on the stuff for the Rummage sale...go with what is visible and easily taken first. It will make a huge difference. What are the possibilities of borrowing storage space somewhere for some of the "his/save" stuff, and let him deal with it himself when he comes back?

    If it were me, as I went through it, if I thought it might be important to him, just toss it in a box. He can decide later on. That way you are not waiting on him to respond to an email, and you are still cleaning out.

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  10. I didn't answer your question: what is YOUR recurring bad dream. I don't have a regular one, but one that comes up once in a while is being lost in Madison (Where I lived for 14 years) and end up in the Women's Library (there isn't one in reality that I'm a aware of), but it's hard to find, and once I find it, if I do, there are many different rooms, floor levels, and of course books. It's a bad dream to me because every time I have a variation of it, I have trouble finding this library.
    My other "bad" dreams are convuluted and very detailed. Even in other languages. (I don't know any other languages while I'm awake.) Maybe these dreams aren't so bad, as they are messages from my brain that I have a lot more going on in my brain then I give myself credit for. LOL!

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  11. I agree with Erin - if T left all that stuff there and hasn't gotten it yet, that's enough time. Get rid of it. You don't owe him.
    I would think about renting a storage unit instead of building one on a property that you may/may not own. It would be much cheaper and safer as you adjust and plan.
    I hope all of this works out for you, dear. You're a trooper, that's for sure! I hope you indeed had a lovely weekend. :)

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  12. However, the local storage units aren't cheap. If you are having a hard time paying bills, the last thing you need is another large bill to pay every month....just sayin'
    foxylady

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  13. Do your parents have an extra bedroom or cabin for you to rent or barter for work? It could be a good transitional place until you get on your feet again.

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  14. I like Anonymous' idea. You're never too old to move back home!! (Believe me, if I had to I would, but I can't even if I wanted to, because both parents have died. It's sort of like, hmm, where is home?) Hang in there, Chicken Mama!!

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  15. If you don't want to sell his stuff, rent a storage unit in his name and let him pay the fees on it. But, why should you be responsible for "his stuff", I agree if he wanted it he would have come an got it before now. As for the rest of the stuff, get rid of everything you don't have a sentimental attachment to. Big furniture, you can always find a replacement that you can repurpose at thrift store, craig's list, or yard sales. Any woman that can drive a snow plow to get herself out on the road to go work a full day can deal with this minor setback. Any chance to find a mobile at a reasonable price and park out back at Mama Pea's instead of renting some place until you get back on your feet?

    Don't feel totally out of control, foreclosures are happening to so many people now. Some of the positives here are it is just you and the critters, no kids to uproot, change schools, you can pretty much adapt to any place. Take care girl, like the saying goes "God does not give us more than we can handle".

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  16. You haven't posted in 13 days...are you there and alright? We miss you!

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    1. I know. It's been a while. I keep pulling up the (my own) blog to see if there's anything new. HA! I've had numerous things to post about, but the negative outweighs the positive, so I'm trying to figure out how to write w/o it all being "woe is me". Blech.

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    2. Mama Pea is right!!! Keep blogging and don't worry about venting the negative stuff around us. Go ahead! It's just a temporary place anyway. Remember that you are among friends. And BTW, we've all been there, are there or will be there. It is good for us all to be supportive of each other, especially in those tight challenging times of life. It is what strongly bonds family and community. And I heartily agree with your good mother when she says that someone might come up with a fantastic idea or opportunity! Hang in there. Know that you are loved, admired for your authenticity.-"M"

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  17. I second Anonymous' post. I really enjoy this blog!

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  18. Heck, *I've* missed you posting and I'm your mother and see you frequently! I think you can write whatever you want without it sounding "woe is me." You don't have that attitude anyway (although I know you *feel* it sometimes). Methinks it's good for you to "get it out" by posting whatever on your blog. And who knows? One of your readers might come up with just the most fantastic idea or suggestion or say something that gives you an idea or push in a direction you hadn't thought of. Sometimes I think we all keep way too much inside of us when letting thoughts and feelings see the light of day is good for us. It's only natural given your current situation that the negative outweighs the positive. How else could it be right now? Try to remember that this is only a period in time. It's not going to be this way forever. There are wonderful things waiting for you once you slog through this *&^%@#! spot.

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  19. Listen to your Mama Pea! We miss you, and it's good for you to vent. So Vent away!

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  20. I miss hearing from you too, Chicken Mama! I like Mama Pea's words of wisdom. Good to hear even if they weren't directed at MOI! (ha, you wanna talk about WOE. Ack. It's my middle name sometimes, but I tend to keep it inside. Just lets the "woe" win!) Take good care, and thanks for the beautiful banner of flowers. Are they wild strawberries? Hugs to you, CM!

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    1. Mollie, they are wood anemones. One of (if not) the very first flowers to appear in the forest each spring. :)

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  21. I have lurked here for years, and as a 38 year old midwestern single, I find that you are relatable and often I find hope in your words....even the downtrodden ones. I believe our midwest upbringing teaches us to be strong and deal and move on. Perhaps it comes from the strong morals and work ethic of midwestern farm families. That being said, I have found that the toughest points in my life have been alleviated through an "expulsion of the demons". It is like speaking them sets me free. Typing them out allows for editing and contemplation and realization. Be free with it. The whole world isn't judging you. Probably just yourself. Take lots of care and be strong, but believe in yourself above all and don't second guess all your choices and needs. You are who you are, and obviously a bunch of people love you. This stranger misses reading your words. --April

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  22. April, I can't TELL you how good it makes me feel to read "this stranger misses reading your words"! THANK YOU for coming out of the shadows to give me the boost I need. xo I'm writing a post right now.

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